00 Just a Child
by NabikiB
Summary: Sherlock Holmes and the Doctor combine forces to raise a six-year-old Harry Potter. AR/AU
1. Tasha

**A Harry Potter/Sherlock/Doctor Who Crossover**

* * *

**Just A Child**

**Tasha**

* * *

When Harry was six years old he was taken from his relatives by a woman from America. Tasha Parker was renting a house on a Timeshare contract two doors down from Number 4 Privet Drive. She, not being a sit on her tail and watch sort of person, witnessed something that wasn't to be borne. She realized who she was seeing, yes, and it cleared up a few things she'd recently discovered, but that didn't mean she didn't go out there and break up the bullies, all four pounding on one small child, by laying about her with a leather strap, sending them howling off to their houses.

She _also _dealt with the angry Dursley male who came out in response, by laying the back of her hand across his fat lips, swelling them further, then telling him _exactly _what she thought of a man who used a little boy for a punching bag when he got home after being frustrated at work to relieve his tensions...in front of all the neighbors. She then offered to kick the shit out of him herself. He obtained several deep cuts and was blackened with nasty bruises before backing off and allowing her to bundle the nearly comatose child into her _own _house to tend to his hurts.

The damage was done, though, as the screams of "He deserves it, he's a freak! If I want to beat the crap out of him for fun, I have the right!" from Vernon had the neighbors staring at him in disgust. As one lady put it, to Vernon's face.

"You pervert! You are _not _normal! Harry is _not _a freak, he's just a little child! Normal adults do not _beat _little children the way you're talking about! You need to move, you're not welcome in this area, we're _normal _people here!" He heard her say to his utter horror. Petunia was going to _kill _him. "Petunia's no better if she put up with this and Dudley looks _just _like you so he's likely a pervert as well..._we don't want __**any **__of you here!"_

Later, at the hospital, she came to the conclusion, given the number of the reports that the constables _there _had record of that suspiciously seem to have gone uninvestigated, that someone with money was paying someone in the local police off. And she said so, loudly.

Unsuccessful at hushing her, the police in question tried to threaten her and she just handed over a couple of cards, one from the American Embassy and the other from her consulate. She had no idea when she had obtained most of what she had but she was starting to suspect she'd been swapped out for this universe's version of her.

At any rate, nobody in Little Whinging really wanted to open a can of worms _that _big...so they shut up. The judge that had made the most money from Vernon's payoffs knew the Dursleys didn't want the brat anyway, so he gave the American custody and only then called Vernon. To his surprise, he got a huge bonus cheque for getting the boy out of their hair without any charges on the family.

The woman hadn't minded taking responsibility for the little lad, but when he hinted at wanting a bribe, she'd pinned him with a look that chilled him to the bone. When he'd flinched, she'd given him his own set of the two cards and raised an eyebrow. "How deep do you _really _want us to start digging?" She asked him. He shut his mouth, paling.

"Thought not. Don't try your silly little small-town games with me _or I'll show you how we play this game back home. _I'm not a polite little Englishwoman worried about the opinions of her neighbors. I'm a full-grown, red-blooded, American Female and a Daughter of the South. If you do not wish to be on the receiving end of Pissed Off Southern Womanhood, you really need to get out of my face." She growled. "I've already got a private physician lined up for little Harry as well as a P.I., so we're _gonna _find the dirt, but you got time to retire to somewhere warm and tropical. I'd suggest you not letting the dust settle before you do that. You got a few weeks, no more, cuz I'm gonna see if I can't hire Sherlock Holmes to do the dirt digging. Normally, I don't think he'd go for this sort of case, but if I piss him off first, by introducing the boy who is so starved for affection that he'll give it to anyone that doesn't hurt him...and trust me, Sherlock will notice that quick...oh yeah, that lad will be all over you like syrup on a flapjack. Got an appointment for this evening to meet him."

The 'judge' turned ashen and scrambled out of his seat as she lifted Harry to her hip and headed off. He needed to get out of the country before his career of bribes was discovered. He was filthy rich and most of it was in offshore accounts, but he had to get out of the U.K. if he intended to enjoy it. He headed for Heathrow without looking back. The woman had both an Embassy and a Consulate to get through to get at her and the old man didn't intend to bother: Smarter to just _get out_, he hadn't gotten this far by being _stupid_. Old man Dumbledore was on his own.

Tasha showed up at the Baker's Street address a good bit early just to make sure she could find it later...wondering when and how her life had gone so weird. There was much the Embassy was unaware of and at that there were only a very few people she'd even consider speaking to of any of it. She was aware there was a good chance the third man of those few people might very well stick his nose into it on his own, but she had no reason to deal with maybes. Life had been much simpler before she'd been dragged through that portal, or whatever it was. She really hoped both Holmes lived up to their press, though. She was _tired _of dealing with morons.

"At least, he'd be a better example for you than that bunch you _were _with, Harry." She told the boy. "But I really, really shouldn't be here. Since I am, though, and am a top rate _busybody_, let's see how many of the rather nefarious plans your would-be headmaster has for you, that we can get in the way of, shall we? I think the old man is a perve or something, personally. Would sure explain _loads_."

Harry was confused, but not as much as he had been before Ms. Parker had started explaining things. He understood _some _now, for instance, since she'd taken him to a wonderful place called Diagon Alley, to a special bank to investigate some things...and his account manager had explained it all. Goblins were not known to be especially patient, but when confronted with a child _they certainly were._ After dealing with the wizarding accounts and titles, and getting the Heir's Ring for Harry to wear she'd asked about any muggle items, such as lordships or parliamentary seats. She struck investigative gold there since the headmaster had gotten an oath from them not to reveal any of it unless asked. Harry had a second godmother, as all magical children did...only Harry's was the _Queen of England_.

This was the real reason they were where they were, at an apartment building on a road called Baker's Street. She watched as someone that almost _had _to be Sherlock got out of a black car with an annoyed expression...and she grinned. Taking the beautiful opportunity she had been given, she led Harry up to the car and handed the occupant the huge sheath of parchment she'd gotten from Gringotts.

"Okay, Harry, we'll head over to that park we saw and you can spend some time playing while the idiot in the car finishes gibbering, must say I'm rather glad he was here, though. Saves me from having to find him first before giving him those papers."

* * *

Mycroft had heard the remark, though his head reeling even as he read. As soon as the sense of what he had in his hands made it to his brain, he started barking orders and when an escort for the park-bound pair showed up and surrounded them before they'd walked a block, she just grinned at them.

"Love to make someone gibber who thinks themselves immune: Turns out that 'gibbering' is a good look for Mycroft. I'm American enough to try for repeats, just for fun." She told the nearest, who quirked his mouth into a half-smothered smile. "Next thing is, okay, don't mean to alarm the MoM, but yeah, I'm in the know and I have to assume your team-mates are aware. If not, they should be...so, whichever one of you is the wizard in the detail, stay close to the lad. If he does any accidental magic, it's your problem, hear me? Mycroft will have included at least one, I'm sure."

"_Two_, actually. For the godson of the Queen? Oh yes. Add in _'magical child' _to that? _Definitely_." One grinned and the other nodded.

"He's six and on an emotional high just now, so keep a sharp eye out. The last time was an accidental _apparition _to the top of his primary school from ground level. Clear enough he's _powerful_, I think."

"Yeah, that _would _about do it, alright." The second wizard agreed. Both of them grinned broadly and proudly at the youngster before one stepped into an alley briefly to send a patronus to the Accidental Magic and the Underage Magic divisions to assume responsibility for the child's outbursts. "Need his name...we're taking responsibility for reversals as needed, see?"

"Oh, you are taking responsibility for far more than _that_. This little boy is_ Harry Potter _and with the Longbottoms in long term care and Black in prison, the queen has _custody _of him." She told the two, watching them control their shock. "Aside from the magical bits, he's the heir to several muggle titles, assorted properties, a seat in Parliament and a fortune in muggle money that well and truly _dwarfs _his gold. Or so the reports we got from Gringotts say, I did ask them to take over the management of the assorted muggle accounts and they have done so.

His father was a muggle noble as well a magical one. That's the gist of what the parchment-work I gave him told Mycroft. As the nearest high ranking official, it made sense to make him aware that Harry's muggle relatives were abusive. _Magic haters_, them, see...and Albus knew it.

_And on top of everything else_, there is a prophecy that might have been engineered..._faked_, in the Hall of Mysteries. I think they'll be able to detect tampering if they know it's possible, so the one about Harry and the Dark Lord needs _testing _to see if an astrally projected, powerful wizard intercepted a Channel Witch and forced a false foretelling through. And if so, who was it?" She locked eyes with the elder of the wizards and he nodded, checking round for privacy and then sent his Patronus off with a message to this effect. Investigations of that nature needed to be started quickly and quietly. "UNIT U.K. has someone who can check and put him far, far out of reach, but the MoM needs to check as well. Could be you've more dark ones running about, nice and quiet, than you're aware of. Set the boy who will be mage-class if he lives to be a man against the Dark One in the open while he's still young and see if you can't get them both killed off...with just the one in the shadows left to take the catbird's seat of power?"

The first one was saying, "Is 'on the 'order of the queen' good enough for you? Thought so. Oh yes, seems she's Potter's second Godmother and has taken custody of him. Yes, we're oath-bound to her, the Wizard Corps, of course. Me and Manchester are with the bodyguard detail for little Harry just now, the muggle woman already knew the situation and alerted _us _so we could do something on our end...yes, quite familiar...okay, I thought so, she's obviously qualified. Now, here's her address, though she'll not be staying there long. Because she's an American, that's why not. Yeah, qualified on their side of the pond...and saved young Harry from a beating from the uncle this morning, yes, that's I said."

"_Anyone _who would set a chain of events off to start a self-fullfilling prophecy...?" The second wizard muttered to his contact via a tiny flame. "We at least know it wasn't Voldiesnort. And that means there is a second Dark Wizard, powerful and worse..._hidden_. As Parker suspected, obvious if it's known to be looked for...and it apparently was. Can you tell who did it? No, oh well, too easy, I suppose, let me know when you do."

"I'll do that, the point about a hidden dark wizard is very true...and not a welcome thought. But, yes, _that _was a dark and evil thing to do." The one who'd answered replied. "We know now though and I'll tell Croaker."

After they were both done with their communications they turned to her.

"Franklin Manchester, here. This is Roberto Vlwer." He smiled grimly. "Oathbound to the Queen, the both of us. You're officially listed as a Muggle That Knows...and a highly responsible one. You correctly assumed our team mates _would _know."

"Then one of you needs to take Harry's magical guardianship."

"I've set it up for Manchester. He's _got _kids, he does. I wouldn't know where to start or how to go on."

"So be it. Albus Dumbledore shall be blocked in whatever deep game he's playing and even Fudge won't disobey an order from _her_."

She walked along with them to the park and sent Harry to the playground equipment with two of the guards and Manchester while she found a bench to relax upon. "At this point, a threat to Harry _is _a threat to the Queen. _Treat it as such_. I doubt the MoM or Albus bothered to notify her of the Potter's deaths." She told them. "So far as I know, the wraith of Voldemort, born the legally wed son of Lord Thomas Riddle of Little Hangleton, but after later murdering his father for abandoning himself and his mother, I think he can be skipped...anyway, he's in wraith-form in an Albanian forest, as far as I know. Someone needs to deal with that...not Lockhart though. The Lockhart man's a fake, by the way...read his books and compare the dates...something else that needs looking into."

"It will be." Mycroft spoke from behind the guards. "I thank you for rescuing the queen's godson."

"Albus has got sort of some deep game going, I think." She lowered her voice. "And may very well be some sort of _perve_."

"So do I, yes...I do agree with you on both counts, but there are limits in what I can do."

"Well, _I'd _start by having one of the wizards on your payroll drop both _adult _Dursleys off on Azkaban Island, their son needs a new history and family...and a _healer_. Obese, that boy. Do not leave him with any memory of his parents or Harry. If the dementors get to the muggle adults relatives before Albus finds out they're in the prison...clear that one with Fudge first. Young Harry is an icon to the magical humans, they won't respond well if they find out Fudge had this reported to him and did nothing. So, report to Fudge, one of you...the other one needs to be talking to Skeeter...she won't allow it to rest. Make it clear that Albus placed him there knowing in advance the family were magic haters. Make it clear to Fudge that one of you came straight to him with the news and the other one is at the Prophet telling Skeeter the same thing. Ask for Kissing, simply because they cannot be allowed to get away with the systematic abuse of a mage-gifted magical child."

Vlwer nodded. "He'll go for that if he knows his options will be dictated by Rita."

"He's a politician and also, _male_. Not all that hard to work with as long a woman takes those two factors into account and brings an imaginary whip and chair along, embedded into her _attitude_ and used with vigor." She grinned at their laughter. Even Holmes chuckled at the mental image.

"That I can arrange to have done." He nodded at one of them. "The address?"

"Number Four, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey...the charms and unplottable don't work on me because, one, I'm not magical and the wards are _specific _against magicals, two, I rented a house on timeshare just two doors down and thus know first hand where he was living and four, he no longer lives there."

The wizards both snorted. "You skipped three." One of them pointed out.

"Yes, and several others went completely unlisted. I should wait for either Kate Stewart's or Jack Harkness' permission to tell you that one: Probably won't, but I _should_."

* * *

"Why?"

"Well, it involves the owner and pilot of a certain, very _special_, Blue Police Box."

"Oh dear." Mycroft muttered._ "One thing after another..."_

"And I'm really, really, _really _not from around here...so I sorta need to let him know I want permission to remain."

_"Because...?"_

"Where I'm from, he, you and the magical world are all 'mini-universes', of the sort found in books, on television and in movies. Not real, and since details like the Dursley's address is given out in the books of the series, several times, there's nothing stopping me from telling people...since I've read the series a fair few times. _I'm also fairly sure at this point that your version of me is where I used to live_."

Holmes the elder started to swear, softly at first.

"And also, the best, _safest _place for Harry might just be _off-world_."

He cussed more viciously and a good bit louder now...his employees were a little pale. Except the pair of wizards...those two were just shaking their heads and watching the woman's face...they also stepped out of the line of fire.

"Mycroft, if Harry repeats so much as _one _word of that, even to ask what it was, I'm going to wash out your mouth with a strong liquid soap right before I take a strap to you where the sun doesn't shine. _LANGUAGE!"_

He froze, "Did you just _threaten _me?"

"No sir, that was a nice solid pair of _promises_. If you don't want to be blowing soap bubbles for a _week _and have belt marks on your bottom, you will refrain from using such terms in the presence of a child." She scowled at him. _"You sir, should be well and truly ashamed of yourself."_

She looked at his rather startled assistant and told her. "Call Sherlock, I won't have Harry exposed to Mycroft, not now that he's shown me just how foul-mouthed he is. There's no need to contribute to delinquency, after all and he's setting a dire example..._I won't have it!"_

She did, surprising Mycroft with the scowl on her own face when she looked at him, obviously agreeing with Parker. Not too long after, the younger Holmes and his boyfriend showed up on foot and Tasha explained what was going on...all of it. Mycroft, once he settled down, _had _reacted with a certain amount of contrite shame, though, because the woman _was _correct that such behavior was _not _to be condoned. Harry was barely _six_, after all.

Sherlock and John joined the detail with Harry and started to get to know the lad, still well within earshot of the rest of the adults.

"Boss, the Queen would like her godson brought to her."

"He'll ride with Holmes the younger, his boyfriend and myself. I do not now trust the elder Holmes son not to teach Harry to have a potty-mouth, straight off. He will learn nothing useful from such a cretin." She told them snappishly. She pulled a notepad from her purse as well as a pen, jotted something down and when Sherlock rejoined them with John and Harry, she passed him the note, startling a laugh from him when he read it. "I'll pass the question on, I promise. The reply should be facsinating." He promised, grinning fiendishly at his brother.

Sherlock exchanged a grin with John...it wasn't often Mycroft slipped up this badly, he was taking the woman's censure well though...he didn't say a word in fact nor would look her in the eyes, which told the pair, particularly Sherlock, more than enough about whatever type of vocabulary he'd used.

"Mycroft?" John began. _"Surely not? _Mister self-control cursing a blue streak in front of a small boy?" He let the question hang with the upward lift in his voice indicating he _expected _an answer. His frown of disapproval cut into the elder Holmes as easily as it did the younger one, perhaps moreso, just now.

"She startled me rather badly."

"Perhaps," Sherlock allowed, "But _still. _What would mummy say if she knew?"

Mycroft paled. "Yes. She then told me point blank that if he repeated a word of it, even to request a definition, she'd wash my mouth out with strong soap, then take a strap to me." Mycroft's tone was still disbelieving. "_Meant_ it, too, I think."

* * *

"I do." She confirmed, shooting a dire glare at him.

"Ah...she _did_." Sherlock confirmed. "You really don't want to know what _else _I'm reading on her just now." Sherlock chuckled, before continuing. "Well, that explains the question. I don't think there will be a problem, though, all things considered." Sherlock was still grinning.

It was the first time, ever, that someone had asked him to ask his mummy for permission for them to wash out Mycroft's mouth and then take a strap to Mycroft...along with the reason for the request. He was going to enjoy mummy's reaction to the comments that were included, starting with the 'What is wrong with you British parents that you cannot even manage to teach your adult offspring that the use of foul language in the presence of a small child is a bad thing to do? Where was your mind, woman?' and went downhill from there, calling Mycroft by name and listing her intentions for his bottom. His elder brother was going to be in _so. much. trouble_...

Sherlock amused himself texting mummy with the commentary and the questions...then he waited, watching his brother. A few moments later Mycroft's cell rang. He watched his brother note the caller, answer it, turn _quite _pale, hold the phone tightly against his ear and shiver. Sherlock could make out mummy's voice, which meant she was shouting. After several moments, Mycroft hung up, looked at Ms. Parker and stated firmly. "Mummy promises that my bad habits are my own fault and that she did, in fact raise me better. This is true. She also promises a strap is unneeded and that she will..." He swallowed rather hard at this point, "Take care of the matter herself. She doesn't appreciate being embarrassed by my behavior on a morals issue. She also informs me that your having Sherlock go directly to her with your inquiry for permission to beat me along with the reason such a beating was needed, was absolutely the most underhanded thing to do to resolve it and she very much _approves_."

"I don't particularly care if she does or not. For example, while I heartily approve of Sherlock, after this I have no particular use for _you_. I seriously doubt she cares." She shrugged. "It was only that one doesn't publicly spank someone without parental permission."

"You do not trust Mycroft in the vicinity of a child, _any _child, now, period." Sherlock put in bluntly, "Trust me when I say my mummy will care, a great deal, actually. Embarrassing her like this, on a Morals Issue, isn't a safe thing for Mycroft to have done. Her punishments tend to be..._inventive_. Highly _creative_, our mummy."

A bit later, they departed in several cars, Mycroft's driver stopped along the route to fetch his mother so she could continue to do her own chewing out. Two hours later, though, when Harry asked Mycroft, in the presence of the queen no less, what some of those words had _meant_, the Parker woman fried him with her eyes as young Harry stumbled over the unfamiliar syllables.

His mother just gave him a Look that made him shudder...and the queen ordered him to refrain from interacting with young children until he could be trusted not to teach them nasty words.

"Since Harry will be with me for a while, during which I'll be introducing him to my grandsons and great grandson, your presence is not required." She paused. "I believe your mother wishes to have a few..._words_...with you. Take her home, Mycroft. Spend the weekend...sounds to me like you need her _undivided _attentions for a few days."

Even Sherlock shivered at the thought. "I'm sure when Monday comes, he _will _have his ability to tell appropriate behavior from _inappropriate _behavior back."

"Indeed he will." His mummy replied, glaring at his brother coldly. "Your assistant is a _highly _capable young lady, she can hold your spot for you while we're at the Country Seat. I don't want you to be _distracted_."

When the pair left, Mycroft's steps rather reluctant, Sherlock looked at the Parker woman. "Well played."

"She's the best authority to deal with his foul mouth."

"That she is," The queen agreed. "That she most _certainly _is: I'm very glad I'm_ not _Mycroft."

"Me too." Sherlock agreed. "That would be a bit dangerous, just now."

* * *

The rest of the day was spent getting to know the youngest princes and their nannies, plus a lady introduced as a governess, who kept a watchful eye on the lot, including Harry. She would have to report to the queen that her godson had very likely spend the years with the other relatives under constant threat of harm. She noticed the signs of an abused child...and spoke with the Parker woman. She didn't like what she heard.

"He _will _have a governess, if the bow-tied version can be located after he's got Clara Oswald on board. I think the lady that does Mycroft's job for him most of the time has located Clara already and is having her brought. She's a known companion, though, and that means she's highly qualified. It will mean replacing her in her current caregiver role with another qualified woman, but Harry needs her more. Due to an incident in the future...her past, mind you, she's looked after children for several lifetimes, hundreds of years, actually. She'll need to be on the TARDIS full time since hopefully Bet will allow Harry to be raised on it. If the prophecy is faked, he needs to be out of reach of the perp. If it is real, he's safer if he's been trained by the Doctor for problem solving on a global scale. Either way, he's better off on the timeship. So his governess must be there as well."

_"Bet?"_ The queen inquired.

"Hey, do I sound _English _to you?" Tasha asked with quite a bit of cheek. "_Or like a politician_ or anyone _else _with heavily calloused, darkly stained, brown lips, for that matter?" Sherlock laughed out loud. He had seldom been around someone that knew what he could do and _simply didn't care_. It was rather new for the queen too, though and _she _wasn't sure how to react.

The queen got the impression Tasha considered one unstable at best and the other rather _slimey_. Then again, perhaps the displaced woman had a point and she'd rather enjoyed the reference to professional arse-kissers. "Very well, informal it is. Americans don't do politically correct well anyway."

"Nor do most of us want to. It's too fake and stupid to be of any interest." She told the old royal bluntly, hearing John choke and Sherlock snicker. "Those that do are posers and politicians...neither of which are of any real use to _anyone_."

As it grew late, Harry dozed off on couch and Sherlock found himself assigned as Harry's primary tutor, the queen ordered Sherlock and John to stay with Harry and Tasha, on planet _or _off. Kate Stewart showed up ten minutes after that and took the lot of them, including Manchester and Vlwer whom the queen had reassigned to ensure Harry got a decent magical education and as magical body guards, both to the boy and the rest of the small group, to the Tower to sent off a note through Space and Time...

He was technically employed by UNIT, Kate explained. He was to be assigned to raising Harry, therefore. His reaction should be hilarious.

"True." Tasha laughed. "But he'll also be able to keep Sherlock from getting bored...and he's got a ready-made exercise program involving lots and lots of _running_. Well, terror fueled sprints, too, but not as many."

"That's a plus, actually." John Watson confirmed.

Tasha smiled at the wizards. _"You're going to have fun."_

* * *

~tbc~


	2. The Doctor

**01**

**Just a child**

**The Doctor**

* * *

Harry was a bit too sleepy to be wide-eyed and although he _was _awake, it wasn't by _much_. The Eleventh form of the Doctor had been waiting for the group when they got to the Tower and having written the note that Kate sent, listing her concerns for him...and asking that he _check _Harry, Tasha merely handed Harry to him.

"Miss Parker says you'd be my da, if I asked." His voice tilted up in a question, lips trembling and green eyes yearning for a parent of his own. "Asking."

"I will. I thought about it while waiting on you lot and you _need _a dad. The TARDIS _says _you need _me _as your dad, well, next me, actually, that me is better with kids than this me is." He nodded. "You are not the first human child I've raised...so I'll be your dad if you want me to be."

The small boy nodded, then cuddled in close to the Doctor's neck, sensing the protective nature of the alien and draping himself comfortably over the Doctor's left shoulder, stuck his thumb in his mouth and promptly went back to sleep while the Doctor took a good _long _look at his Time Line.

"The prophecy is _manufactured_. It _is _faked. I've read those books too, after all...this is not to be tolerated." He said with quiet outrage. "Follow me, please, if you're coming. We're leaving." He nodded to Kate and shortly afterward John Watson, Sherlock Holmes and Tasha Parker joined him in a proper nursery where he got the lad out of his clothes and into jimjams. "Clara is a governess who is with next me, or so I understand. We'll manage to muddle along though, til then. It's not far off, actually. I'm overdue."

"Yeah, but I'm going to ask you to do it in your zero room, please. You having a post-regeneration joyride with a small child on board...wouldn't the brightest idea you'll ever have had. And probably set the console room on fire when you do, yeah, and crash into some kid's garden...not good." She finished.

I'll do that for Harry, yeah." He looked at Tasha and nodded tightly. "I got a good look at his back history too. That's why we're leaving...if I don't..._I might just kill Vernon_." He replied.

"I'd make tea but I doubt you'd appreciate _my _version of it." She glanced at John and he nodded.

"If you'll show me the kitchen, I'll get some started." He offered.

"Southern American version? _No thanks_." He actually grinned as he gestured for them to follow him to the kitchen...but he smiled anyway, to take away the sting of the refusal. "Strong you _do_, sweet..._oh my_, yes...but you also serve it _ice cold_. It would do the job, yes...but _bleh!"_

"Yes, on purpose...straight from the fridge or with actual ice. I also tend to add either India Spice Chai or some form of herbal tea for flavoring to mine. Euchinacia, for example, is a particular favorite."

"Adds a nice boost to the human immune system, that, but not me. Gives _me _the runs."

_"Does it?"_ Her tone was mischief-filled and her grin was suggestive. She winked at Sherlock as he turned to stare at her intently, grinning after a moment at what he saw. "_Huh_, good to know..._hmmmm_...well, thanks for the info, I'll keep that in mind. There's another food related prank I'll pull first, if you irritate me, in any body...since it should work a treat, _but that one sounds useful too."_

"OI!"

John Watson glanced at her questioningly.

"Hey, for humans I can always use a chocolate laxative as a base for, pardon the pun, _Fudge_..." She told him, watching him wince. "I'm so glad you've both agreed to become Watsons at your bonding though." She added thoughtfully.

"Why is that?" Sherlock wanted to know.

"Because of the notion of referring to him as _John Holmes_...um..._no_."

The Doctor, already headed toward the Zero Room, could be heard laughing all the way down the corridor.

"If we ran into Old Jack Harkness, even once, we'd _never _hear the end of it from him."

Sherlock choked again...he was getting used her well tossed one-liners, but it could take a while to get used to the off-color observations and probabilities she also tossed out...he knew of both of the people to whom she was referring. Having _met _Jack...he started snickering.

"OI! Not around the child, please!" The Doctor shouted back, just as he turned a corner.

"Please, just in case he changes his mind, Idris, be a dear and put a proper _shield _over the console or else absorb it _entirely _until he can be trusted with it! Just don't let him at the controls, please."

The giggling was faint, but there...as was another distant _'oi'..._this one outraged... But they didn't have long to wait. Regeneration really didn't take all that long and when the lanky, somewhat shorter but still long in the leg Doctor returned she grinned at his frustrated expression.

"Missing something?"

"Yeah, underhanded, you are. Worked, though. We're still safely in the vortex instead of crashed somewhere." He just stared at her thoughtfully as John handed him a great huge 56 ounce mug of tea...and he found it sweetened and strong already...with a light touch of what tasted like apple and cinnamon. He played with the flavor for a moment and nodded. "I _like _this. Odd, but very good."

"She had herbally based 'flavoring' teabags...just tossed the cinnamon apple ones right in before I could stop her." Dr. Watson sounded disgruntled.

"Let's see...I know what the signatures outfits are for this body, but there's _two_."

"Two."

"And you've _already _been edited...just using the Zero Room did that."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Tasha cocked her head. "You can still have Amy Pond, but you wait until she's an _adult_...you do not set yourself up to become the object of childish fantasies and obsessive behavior by a seven year old. Stabilize first, _then _go deal with the crack on the child's bedroom wall."

He twitched at the thought. "Not good. So, the 'crashing into some kid's garden' was literally meant, then?"

"Yes. So was the 'not good', part."

"Have to agree with that, I think."

"Another thing is, never, ever call Harry by his surname, unless you say the first one first. Do you recall whatever it was that made you so furious at Vernon a bit ago?"

_"Yes."_ His tone was dark and angry. He refused to say what he had seen but his eyes were moist.

"He is _so _fragile." She locked eyes with Sherlock for a moment and received a minute nod...he would analyze the child.

"Yes. He _is _fragile, careful support for Harry." He looked at Tasha. "Which one looked better on me?"

"The second. Easily, by _several _orders of rank. The first one made you look like Clark Kent as a teenager, _without _the Superman bits."

"Erm, meaning..._what_, exactly?"

"Did a very, _very _good impression of a 'Hayseed plowboy'."

"_Ow_."

_"__**American **__Hayseed plowboy. _Think Kansas or Iowa right before or during harvest."

"Think I'll skip that, then." He replied with a distinct flinch. "No where near the impression I prefer to make."

"In that case, in the second signature set, you're into primarily darker shades of broadcloth bow-ties, some patterned, some not, a dark maroon frock coat of the sort American marshals used in the Old West. Your trouser legs are too short for the length of your legs and while they do cover the top of the side zipped half-boots, they do not cover the whole boot, you usually wear light weight Oxford type shirts of varying shades and colors, most of which are in unpatterned solid colors, under a darker-than-the-frock-coat toned suit vest, but do not wear the actual suit coat, just the frock one, and a gold chain is draped between the vest pockets. Dunno if it's a watch fob and a pocket watch, I've only ever actually seen the chain. I've also seen you wear a Stetson in this body and it looked damned good on you. It was a straw-colored one with the other outfit but if you switch to a dark leather one for this outfit, it should be both a stunning look for you in the 'good looks' arena and very, very cool. One of the abiding traits that _this _you is known for is that this you want to be and look, 'seriously cool'."

He thought about it and a huge smile spread over his face. "I do. That is correct."

"A dark leather Stetson hat with the second outfit will add a nice dose of 'seriously hot' to the 'seriously cool', this adds to the 'seriously cool'...and raises the bar."

He just laughed.

"Fezes are a quirk of this body and, with a little care, they can be made to work...possibly quite well, if you pick the darker colored ones, that's one reason the frock coat looks so seriously delicious on this you...right color range. Traditional red ones, tasseled or not, will make this you look like a dork..._not cool_...because you simply do not have the skin tone for wearing red or any other bright jewel tones, this time. Stick with the dark rubies, garnets, amethysts, and so on and you will leave most human females staring after you when you pass them on the street and starting to drool."

The smile got bigger.

"And you like to dip fried fish fingers in custard as a sauce." She watched as the timeship planted a bowl of said warm custard and a plate of the fingers in front of him, grinning as he tried them and immediately blissed out.

"Feel better? Try these." She handed him a package of Jammie Dodgers she's got Kate to stop and get. Most Doctors liked the things, she knew.

"Yes. Less uncertainty is a _good _thing."

"In that case, I suppose I _ought _to mention that you _also _flap your hands, dither, stutter and have a tendency to whirl about then dance on your tippy-toes to the other side of whatever room you're in...when startled...rather like the behavior of a spooked pony."

_"Oh man..."_

"You toss your head, you snort a lot too...and that only makes anyone who has ever been around horses half-expect you to _whinny _at any moment."

_"HEY!"_

"And the fact that you have an actual forelock doesn't help_...well, no, I'll have to take that back _because it _does_, really...just not in a way you're gonna like...since it helps to _reinforce _the horsey bits. You do tend to strut or prance, depending on how excited you are...and added to that is a strong, almost jutting chin, huge teeth, a wide, generous mouth...a long face...a long neck...you can see where this is going, I think. And on top of everything else, you're really rather pretty."

_"Pretty?"_

"Yep. And you have real _nice _tushie too, this go...small, tight, compact little..." She broke off at the sniggering from the wizards. "What? It's a perfectly lovely little..."

"OI! A nice bum? _You were looking at my bum?"_

"Yes, of course I was. One of the first items I checked out, since you're still wearing clothing too small...so it's quite nicely_ displayed_..."

"Oi."

And I think this is your youngest looking form to date: You look like you're no older than _perhaps_...twenty three or four." She smiled at this form affectionately. "Of course, last you might have been taking the energy levels of a six year old wizard into consideration. And the appearance of a young man is about right for having the custody of a lad Harry's age. Did yourself a favor, this time."

"Something good, there then."

"The sad thing is, this you actually wears the pinstripes _better_...last you would freak if you found that out."

"Yeah." He laughed. "I would _not _be happy." He paused and let the mood shift, then said, "Kate said I was fictional where you're from."

"Yeah. DVDs and internet downloads and broadcasts by BBC America."

"Which me is your favorite?"

"Eight, that one could wear nearly anything and _still _make top grade eye-candy."

"Oi!"

"Think he might just be at his best _naked_, though. But this one ain't bad either."

_"OI!"_

She paused, then, her face so utterly serious he started to get concerned. "What are you thinking about?"

"Edits. Big one, huge fixit. Should work though."

"Like?"

"Last you should've cloned Rose, sent the cloned one over there and kept the original here. If he used the DNA stored from the first trip out, it would have been before Bad Wolf...the original her isn't aging, see. Do you really wanna do that to her? Just leave her stuck over there like that knowing she's gonna lose him?" She looked at his suddenly ashen complexion. "Talk to Idris about it. Intercept him during the tow and swap Roses on him. Tell your clone why, _he _won't mind."

"No, he won't. The last thing we'd want, any of us, is to make her watch everyone she knows...just..._leave her behind_." He answered hoarsely.

"Last you was careless and thoughtless." She told him softly. "Any other regeneration, any prior to that one, would have had her in the med-bay as fast as you could, checking her out to the smallest bit of hormone, gene, anything...any other body would've caught it. Not that one. Careless, foolish, rash, impulsive and stupid...don't give her back to last you either...you bring her with you, with the rest of us."

"Yeah. I would, this body would...damn it. _I never checked_."

"No. But I don't think she'd have made it back to the station to start with, without Idris doing some tampering...with her full endorsement and probably _insistence_. Any woman who would use a tow truck to pry open the console to start with isn't going to let a little thing like radical genetic alterations _even slow her down_."

He snorted sadly. "No, not her."

"Finish your tea, first. Then we'll ask the TARDIS if she'll set it up after you wake up...don't need you going to sleep at the console, either."

"Oi."

"She doesn't give a damn what body you're on, but last you spent a good portion of his time doing things that _hurt _her. She needs you, period, but this you is much safer for her. Not quite in Eight's league, empathy wise, but you do have a good portion of it now."

"Yeah. I _do_." He nodded. "I don't see River on my Timeline now, you know."

"Kinda figured."

He stared.

"Can't say, wouldn't if I could, cuz if it were a bad thing, _Idris _would have said something."

"Who _is _Idris, you keep mentioning her."

She gave a wicked little chuckle. "Oh the joys of DVDs and internet downloads."

He huffed at her, a little sleepy-eyed. "Spill."

"Ask your ship."

He did and his jaw dropped in shock. "Oh!"

"Seems kinda rude not to call her by name, doesn't?"

"Yeah, uh, yeah...very rude."

"Go to bed, Doctor. Cuz if have to tuck you in, I will...let's just that you won't much like where you wake up or what you'd be wearing, is all."

"Coat?"

"Nah, got something _far _worse in mind."

_"Worse?" _He sounded horrified.

"Bed."

"Okay...right..._I don't think I want to know_." He told her, finished off the tea and headed for his bedroom.

"After he's asleep, Idris darlin', put him in a footed blanket sleeper, his size. The kind that zips. And get pictures...for the Wall. If I'm going to be a companion for a bit, then the first thing I want to do is make sure he gets to know my sense of humor really, _really _fast. If he annoys me, use one that zips in the _back_..."

The ship laughed so hard _visible _ripples went through her walls.

* * *

**A/N: For more info on John Holmes, refer to wiki.**

** wiki/John_Holmes**

* * *

**~tbc~**


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